So I have definitely made some headway on this paper but the more I write the angrier I get about not getting feedback from the groups of dancers I contacted. It would be one thing if I did not receive any response back but because I received two very enthusiastic responses and then nothing I am angry.
I feel like this paper is going to be crap on a stick and I don't know if i will be able to reach the minimum page limit for the project.
This was my first big PhD. assignment right out of the gate and I really wanted it to be good. Now I am just sort of hoping that I don't get laughed at or shamed out of my working group. I know that won't actually happen but I really wanted to make the people I work with in the PhD program and outside of it proud. Above all else, I wanted to be able to be proud of my own work and right now I don't think I can be. I feel like I am doing so much speculating and guessing because I don't have definitive answers from the vintage dancers. Even basic information available on their websites is unreliable because some of the groups havent updated them since 2009/2010.
I am mad at them and I am mad at myself. I am done blogging for today. I don't have that many more words left and I have to conserve what little is left for writing this no goo,d rotten, dumb paper. I am going to go be sad now.
Goodbye.
That is very frustrating. Trust me, everyone who does ethnographic/critical work feels your pain. No one will blink an eye, moreover, if you rely on 2009/2010 info from their websites. Indeed, there are some in the field who would say that it's better to use slightly older info; it gives you a sense of historiographic perspective that could otherwise be lost in a journalistic here-and-now bias.
ReplyDeleteAs for doing right by the dept, Evleen--you have nothing to prove as far as I'm concerned. Hard as it is, be easier on yourself. You can't control the responsiveness of your subjects. As for us, we're all thrilled you're here.
If it would help to talk some of this out, let me know.
JF